I have not written in forever. I think about righting a lot. I'm not really sure what keeps me from doing so. I have had a crappy junior year. I got my first real boyfriend and have gotten my first real heartbreak. My depression has caused me to have a stress related skin disease all over my legs and i have ripped apart my fingers and started to cut my wrists. I don't really know why things have gotten so horrible. I even started to smoke weed every once and a while. I have gained a bunch of weight and am so extremely lethargic all the time. I think a lot about why i cant just be happy. Why can't this get better. To make things worse because i said i sort of liked this boy in my grade for years my boyfriend decided to ignore me completely and break up with me and not have the courtesy to even tell me. I had to find out from someone else. That has been extremely hard just because he was my best friend and pretty much my only friend. I know i have gotten through things in the past, but from previous experiences i know it is going to be extremely hard and extremely painful for me. I am not looking to getting through this while fighting depression, i just don't know if i have enough energy to do so. I want so badly to just be away from Austin, Texas. I want away from my life, and i'm feeling desperate enough to do anything i can to get that.