Monday, August 29, 2011

A lot has gone on since the last post, a lot has changed and a lot of sadness has occured. I can feel myself going back to that place i thought i was completly away from. I feel this continuous sadness that fills my insides daily. I want to break free, i want to fly ha, i guess i dont really know what i want. I sat in the shower as the water ran down my body just thinking, feeling empty, tierd, blank. The shower can often be a place of thought for me, i sometimes take a long shower to factor in time to just be still, just to feel the water run down, to know this is real. Mabey i am just mumbling but at least i am getting things off my mind, things i really should be dealing with. Today i quit the team i was begging my parents to be on, why? i really don't know, in some ways i felt i didnt belong, i felt lost, and i also realized how much i missed my old studio, the memories were some of my only happy expieriences that occured in the past couple years, the feeling of freedom in the studio, and the feeling of continiously trying to get better reminded me of how much i love it. I love the amount of time spent at the studio, i love the passion that is present in all the dancers on the team. I think the passion and love for dance brings us closer to one another and makes us a team. I guess i really just missed all of that, but quiting was one of the hardest things ive had to do in a very long time, i wish i couldve done it better, i wish i couldve done both teams, i wish i didnt have to let so many down all the time. i'm not even going to re read what i have written i am just going to post and so you know this is unedited real feelings. ;/

1 comment:

  1. Im going to say something i normally would not. as I've learned in my schooling, it is best to not always relate to someone else, but in this case, i think i can. at least when you type of the sadness not wanting to return.

    for me its been almost 2 years since my mini meltdown and i won't go into too much but lets just say I'm having a difficult time adjusting to everything else after that.

    anyway, always know there is that light when in those blank moments (don't they suck?! i get them literally 20/7) and i am most def. always willing to talk.

    love your blog btw!
    --senior at James Madison U