Monday, March 19, 2012

Feb 13, 2012

I have been wrighting a lot in english class in a journal. I want to post some of what i have written. I will date the posts according to when i wrote it. Most of what i write is random but feels great to get off my mind. My writing is unedited and raw scatered thoughts and feelings.

Feb 13 2012

A foggy scenary lies on the screen above. Another day of just emptyness inside me. I have nothing to even say about this picture. I could make up a whole page full of bull shit that expresses not one of my real feelings If thats what it takes to get the A. Or i could wright about how i am scared, mad, and angry at myself. I feel as though my eating is getting out of control again and its makeing me stressed out and be self concious all the time. I am doing things that I promised myself I would stay away from. I feel as though I'm slowly falling back into a place I worked so hard to get away from and I'm scared. I feel as though I'm not working as hard in dance and that I am thinking to much about guys. This is even hard for me to admit let alone wright down. I need to get back to how i started, where dance was always on top. Why should i care about how i look, I need a weekend dedicated to dance to remind myself why it is the most amazing, life changeing aspect in my life. I can't go back to my old ways because that assures me of a future not worth even living. I am going into ballet tonight with a stride to improve and be the best i can be. I need to improve my muscles and mdo my thera band and stop having sleepover and endless calls with delanie. Dance must come first and I need to put my entire self into my training. I continue to give up my fight with food but i cant do that anymore. Its killing me. My body is my tool and i need to fuel it with whats best. I need to figure out daily exercizes and eating patterns to enhance my dance training. Social life can come after dance. I will need a lot of will pwer to achieve my intence focus on dance but its super imporatant I dont give up on myself. Dance makes me to happy for me to let myself get into the wrong croud and losing all my morals and beliefs that i have workes so hard to obtain.

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